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Fate and All We Gambled by ~UncleBrazzie:iconUncleBrazzie:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Spiritual > Fixed


Between the empty spaces
Behind the empty words
Lies the truth in many faces
Lies the source of all our hurts

Behind the empty words
Between the riddles and the lies
Lies the source of all our hurts
Lie the careless falling dice

Between the riddles and the lies
Underneath the sad despair
Lie the careless falling dice
Ruined hopes beyond repair

Underneath the sad despair
Lies the truth in many faces
Ruined hopes beyond repair
Between the empty spaces
©2005-2009 ~UncleBrazzie
:iconunclebrazzie:

Author's Comments

This is an old poem of mine, dusted off and put on display here for your enjoyment. Feedback encouraged ;)

It's a pantoum, reusing each line in a repetitive pattern. I like that kind of poetry a lot, but it's pretty hard to pull off...

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:icondorianp:
~DorianP Sep 22, 2005, 6:02:51 AM
Wow I love that pattern! About the poem itself, alas, I know all too well what you mean, or I know all too well what I read in it;)

The truth in one of the many faces, I say.

--
"Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. " - Kahlil Gibran
:iconlostheaven:
~LostHeaven Sep 22, 2005, 6:42:48 AM
An amazing piece, Jo. The one thing that I would perhaps modify would be to change "hurts" to "wounds". It might flow better then, but the way you have it set up now looks pretty damn good anyway.

--
BUG CATCHER SEAN wants to fight!
:iconunclebrazzie:
~UncleBrazzie Sep 22, 2005, 10:10:38 AM
Hey there!

Yeah I'm pretty fond of this structure. I just love repetitive poetry. Have you read some good sestina's lately? I just love the way those come round on themselves...

The truth in one of the many faces
Yeah. The many faces of truth ;)

--
Peter Pan Must Die.
:iconunclebrazzie:
~UncleBrazzie Sep 22, 2005, 10:19:57 AM
I know. "Hurts" and "words" only slighly rhymes and even then only when you have a more or less british accent like I do.
Wounds seems a bit heavy-handed, but I see your point. Maybe I'll twiddle with it a bit more...

Greetz

Jo (Just an old Phart) ;)

--
Peter Pan Must Die.
:iconlostheaven:
~LostHeaven Sep 22, 2005, 11:08:29 AM
^_^

--
BUG CATCHER SEAN wants to fight!
:iconetaoin:
*Etaoin Sep 22, 2005, 4:19:03 PM
amen :raincloud:

--
It is never too late to be what you might have been ~ George Eliot
:iconunclebrazzie:
~UncleBrazzie Sep 22, 2005, 10:18:40 PM
Heh. Not sure how to interpret that so I'll take it as the most exuberant praise I've ever received so far ;)

--
Peter Pan Must Die.
:icontrava:
~Trava Sep 23, 2005, 4:36:26 PM
"Lie the careless falling dice"-
Wonderful.
:iconunclebrazzie:
~UncleBrazzie Sep 23, 2005, 11:28:31 PM
Cheerz! Rather fond of that one myself...;)

--
Peter Pan Must Die.
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