[x]

deviantART

 

My WOrd Against Yours by ~UncleBrazzie:iconUncleBrazzie:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Human Nature > Fixed


Denial, it seems, only leads to ruin.
Stagnant waters erode just as much as a flowing stream.

This is not me, it really isn't.
This is not how I am.
Stagnant waters erode, just as much as a flowing stream;
eating away at the bedrock, gnawing, biting, dissolving...

This is not how I am.

I bite and claw at the walls of what once was,
eating away at the bedrock, gnawing, biting, dissolving
until all that remains is the empty hollow where once was me.

I bite and claw at the walls of what once was
until all that's left is something that is not.
Until all that remains is the empty hollow where once was me.

"This is not me, it really isn't"

...until all that's left is something that is not.
Denial, it seems, only leads to ruin...
©2006-2009 ~UncleBrazzie
Details
Submitted: April 27, 2006
File Size: 971 bytes
Image Size: 0 bytes
Resolution: 0×0
Comments: 14
Favourites & Collections: 3 [who?]

Views
Total: 178
Today: 0

Downloads
Total: 3
Today: 0

Thumb

Author's Comments

Another pantoum...one of my favourite poem structures. Been ages since I wrote some unrhymed poetry. Been ages since I wrote anything whatsoever, but a duel with the dazzling young rogue that is , that's sure to kick me back into shape ;)
[x]

Devious Comments

love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0

Comments


~glarawen:iconglarawen: Apr 28, 2006, 9:17:01 AM
Maybe I just have a rubbish attention span, but I really liked the way I didn't actually realise that parts of the poem were repeated until I went back and read it for the second time. This is good. :D

--
Fuck me harder. No harder. Make me cry.
~Trava:iconTrava: Apr 28, 2006, 12:14:54 PM
These things are not fleeting, but continually stir. Lovely.
~UncleBrazzie:iconUncleBrazzie: Apr 28, 2006, 1:06:08 PM
Hehe. I did kinda cheat by cutting it up a bit. But, aye, the essence of a pantoum is repetition, tedious as that may sound.
Glad you liked it ;)

--
Bork! Bork! Bork!
(-Swedish Chef)
~UncleBrazzie:iconUncleBrazzie: Apr 28, 2006, 1:09:07 PM
It would seem they are, aye. CHeerz!

--
Bork! Bork! Bork!
(-Swedish Chef)
~LostHeaven:iconLostHeaven: Apr 28, 2006, 2:12:22 PM
Fantastic.

--
BUG CATCHER SEAN wants to fight!
~UncleBrazzie:iconUncleBrazzie: Apr 28, 2006, 2:28:27 PM
Nèèh. Thanks for the 'thousiasm though ;)

Looking forward to your riposte again :D

--
Bork! Bork! Bork!
(-Swedish Chef)
~LostHeaven:iconLostHeaven: Apr 28, 2006, 5:53:44 PM
I look forward to writing it.

--
BUG CATCHER SEAN wants to fight!
~inter4life:iconinter4life: Apr 29, 2006, 10:43:51 AM
it does.. it really does..

--
poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance.

Carl Sandburg
~Nebelstreif:iconNebelstreif: Sep 27, 2006, 7:25:56 AM
Ah! I so love it when (almost) the same words repeat in a different context, creating a different meaning. I was wondering in which way this poem is fixed, until I realized that every single line appears twice. I even wikied for pantoum after scrolling down to your description. Seems you took that strict pattern a bit freely, but then it's the effect that counts not the structure ;]

Most of all I love how the poem returns in the last line to the thought of the first line. The whole poem illustrates that thought, and I think the repetitive structure works really well to show how "steter Tropfen höhlt den Stein," how the repeated self-denial erodes away your self, your identity.
I was a tad stumped be the metaphor of describing stagnant waters as eroding. Rotting, decaying, dissolving - yes. But eroding? But it goes better with the rest of the image, that an empty hollow (and not a rotted mush) is left "where once was me." The empty hollow is more appropriate to illustrate the loss or lack of self that comes from constant self-denial. And then I think that self-denial stops life from flowing freely, making it "stagnant water".

I have to admit that I don't fully understand the title, though. "My words" - OK, because it's words of denial that are spoken, but I don't really know who's being adressed and in which way their words stand against each other.

--
A wanderer in darkness, waiting for the misty morning fog :blackrose:
Like my poetry? Check out my photography at ~Ratafluke
Previous Page12Next Page

Site Map

©2009 deviantART. All rights reserved
About Us | Contact Us | Help & FAQ Advertise | Services Etiquette | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Copyright Policy