Interesting how natural it all seems, like you do this 24/7. It flows excellently and yet you seem to toy around with the words, too. That rhyme-in-one-line thing is something I've been experimenting with lately, but you're doing a lot better

Although... "to shine a light on night's delight" is a bit too much for my tastes, but that's completely personal, of course.

Good job! More! More!

--
"Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. " - Kahlil Gibran

Cheerz buddy!

I've been wanting to write more in-line rhymes and internal "rap-style" rhymes, but iambic meter tends to bog me down in that regard. It's pretty hard to step away from my usual poetic forms and styles.
Glad to hear it worked out

>>"to shine a light on night's delight"
Yeah...it's somewhat forced, as if it was written for a diction exam or something

Greetz'n'Hugz

Jo (Just)

--
Bork! Bork! Bork!
(-Swedish Chef)

Rapping Jo. Now there's an idea.

--
"Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. " - Kahlil Gibran

I shall call myself MC JayJay Diddy 50 Dawgg and wear oversized sweatsuits and lotsa blingbling y'all knowmsayn ma beeatch yo yo?

--
Bork! Bork! Bork!
(-Swedish Chef)

The images this conjure up are amazing. Very good writing. It's nice to see you around. I agree, time stretching devices would be a God send.

--
Fuck me harder. No harder. Make me cry.

i love it. I especially love this line:
as child of man to crumbling dust

very well written, it flows really well

--
poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance.

Carl Sandburg

I hear god's been intending to make one himself, but he ran out of time

Cheerz luv, hope you're well...

--
Bork! Bork! Bork!
(-Swedish Chef)

Cheerz. I enjoyed writing it

--
Bork! Bork! Bork!
(-Swedish Chef)

Oh, beautiful! Now I get what you meant by loving that Portugese poem even though you don't know the language. Just the sound of all those in-line rhymes flows so beautifully, I think I'd like them even if I didn't understand the words. What about making the sixth line "to brightly shine on night's delight" to avoid the double appearance of "night"? I stumbled a bit over "as iron to rust" since I pronounce iron with two syllables (iron, like a lion, in Zion), but I suppose you can shorten that word to keep the rhythm. The next line "as child of man to crumbling dust" is my favorite, or maybe the very last line, I really like the image of a one-fire bow that breaks upon shooting a star. A wonderful poem likening man's life to the brief, passing, sparkling, unique beauty of a falling star! :]

--
A wanderer in darkness, waiting for the misty morning fog
_{Like my poetry? Check out my photography at ~Ratafluke}