~UncleBrazzie

Jo Olluyn

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Wed Oct 8, 2008, 4:20 AM

Mood: Anxious
Listening to: System of a Down - Mesmerize/Hypnotize
Reading: House of Chains(Steven Erikson)
Watching: Nyermmm plenty of stuff lately
Playing: Warmachine
Eating: Mussels
Drinking: Too little

I forget.
The most trivial of things escape my memory, as if never knew or, worse, simply don't care.
As if I am blind to the reality that's outside my head, things simply vanish from my memory.
It's not like I can "unremember" them, since they are effectively lost to me, until someone points them out.
And the I go "Oh. Right. Sorry, I forgot" and look sheepish.

It's something I've been fighting all my life and every time I think I've got it pinned down, I, well, yes. I forget about it.

And it creeps up on me again.

I'm sick and tired of it. More even than being fed up with forgetting, I'm fed up with the struggle I'm putting up. It's frustrating and serves my self-esteem no good at all.

Today is one of those days where I am resolved to put a stop to it.

How successful this umpteenth attempt will prove to be is something I'll just have to face in the future...

Hugz

Jo (Just)

PS: this journal is largely repeated as comments to a poem of mine titled "forgot to remember". If you read it, you'll know why.

14 Comments

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~enge-tzehai Oct 8, 2008, 6:30:14 AM

Ever tried a little noteboke? Writing down things you know you'll forget but want to remember can help. Just the writing down can already make you remember.

Anyway, you're not the only one. By far.
I forget a lot. Months can go by before I remember that there is a good friend I still want to talk with. Loads of things I want to do, but when I finally have time, I can't think of a thing to do...
I live with post-its everywhere, and forget to read them. Things that happened become some vague thing in my mind, and I'm so glad I have photos to remind me of all the nice holidays and special moments.

--
"All art is quite useless" - Oscar Wilde

Comment and I shall answer.

~Ratafluke Oct 8, 2008, 2:59:16 PM

Do you have a clear vision of how to put a stop to it?

Happens to me all the time, forgetting stuff. Or even worse: Remembering, but lying around like a deflated balloon, without the least bit of energy to get it done. And then I slide down a slippery slope of self-reproach, which robs me of even more energy... It sucks. And I feel terribly whiny about the whole thing.

--
A wanderer in darkness, waiting for the misty morning fog

^{... and a deviant who returns comments ;]
-> If you comment me I'll comment back :]}

My split personality:
^{=Ratafluke - Photography
~Nebelstreif - Poetry}

~UncleBrazzie Oct 8, 2008, 10:03:59 PM

>>I live with post-its everywhere, and forget to read them.
Ayup, me too.
I write things down, keep a diary/filofax thingy and forget to update/read it. Or I simply forget it entirely, as if I didn't actually own one.

I don't have the "fog or recollection" thing, fortunately; anything that involves dreaming or reminiscing I can do like the best. It's practical memory which eludes me.

--
All truth is fiction.

~UncleBrazzie Oct 8, 2008, 10:07:30 PM

Self-reproach and whining, yeah...when it all sort of overflows and one shitty thing leads to another, I feel pretty sorry for myself. At the same time, I resent the feeling of helplessness inherent to it. Sometimes I feel like I should just suck it up and become a man, instead of an apologetic kid who's mumbling "sorry i forgot" again.

>>Do you have a clear vision of how to put a stop to it?
Aye.
I'm gonna go the Lecter way: structure my mind like a fantastic mansion, and put all those little tidbits of "mustn't forget" in elborate and visible locations. Then I'll roam my mansion whenever regularly, picking up what's not in its proper place. And when I need to know something I forgot, I can just visit the correct room, open a drawer and pick it up.

Something like that anyways

--
All truth is fiction.

~Ratafluke Oct 10, 2008, 7:24:12 PM

So you know the feeling... Only thing is for me it's more like clogged up. Not outside things leading to each other, only my own lackadaisical ways getting me into... a fix. What gets me into hell's kitchen is the vicious circle of self-reproach. Feeling like it's all my own fault, yet completely unable to change anything at all...

Lecter way? Hannibal Lecter?

Like, you're gonna visualize a house to remember things? I once read about a method to memorize your shopping list by putting the eggs on your feet and the mustard on your knees etc.

--
A wanderer in darkness, waiting for the misty morning fog

^{... and a deviant who returns comments ;]
-> If you comment me I'll comment back :]}

My split personality:
^{=Ratafluke - Photography
~Nebelstreif - Poetry}

*valhalla-vania Oct 13, 2008, 2:25:25 AM

I think the way to deal with this is by visualizing the tasks you need to do in your head. Form a mental image, form some associations. It will become easier to retrieve if you do.

How are you and the missus and the kids? Living in the new house?

--
One's destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things. ~ Henry Miller

~UncleBrazzie Oct 27, 2008, 2:45:05 AM

Yeah, sometimes I do feel a bit hopless about it all, as if this is the way it is and things will simply never improve.
However, I refuse to be cast adrift like this any longer, refure to accept that I am powerless to change. I have changed in the past, and overcome a number a similarly shaped hurdles and by golly I will do so again. Peter Pan, although not dead, I have managed to tame into some workable agreement, so I'm sure I can manage to assort my Lecter-mansion into a semblance of order, if I commit myself to it.
Which I do. Never been more committed about myself in quite some time.

Mustard on my knees would ruin my pants

Hugz

Jo (Just)

--
All truth is fiction.

~UncleBrazzie Oct 27, 2008, 2:47:28 AM

Ik ben bezig me de Hannibal Lecter manier eigen te maken: mijn geheugen de vorm geven van een huis en daarin alle dingen netjes neer te leggen waar ik ze opmerk of later denk nodig te hebben.
Werk voorlopig vrij goed, alleen moet ik m'n weg nog wat leren kennen in dat nieuwe huis.

Speaking of which: ja hoor: de laatste dozen raken uitgepakt, de laatste planken opgehangen en de zetel voor de allervoorlaatste keer van plaats veranderd. Steeds welkom, geef maar een gil als je in de buurt bent.

Hugz

Jo (Just)

--
All truth is fiction.